Mindy, Jody, & Exploded Ovaries
by Anna Lane
Summary: Mindy's ex, Casey, is getting married and Jody is her plus one. What could go wrong? A Southern Spice one shot.


**A/N: I like a good amount of Mindy's boyfriends. You should know that Danny has never been an OTP for me (though I love him, too!). Just warning you in case…just in case. And guess what? I miss Cliff, I really do. That being said, Jody is my guy. He's the one for me for Mindy, you know? There aren't enough Jody fics. I wrote this around midseason and just wanted to type it up and post it before TMP returns in October. Remember, this is Mindy, so some of the stuff probably won't be PC. It's not my intention to offend or horrify anyone and it won't all be an expression of my beliefs. It's just me attempting comedy. Also, I tried to add in Easter eggs, see if you can find any!**

* * *

"Jody likes me?!" Mindy's shock turned into a slow and pleased smile, like the Grinch relishing in something particularly dastardly. "That dirty old pervert? He's like a grandfather to me."

She put her hands on her heart and affected a mournful glow, peering to the heavens as if to lament her beauty – that which served as her greatest trait and truest burden.

"Yeah, like Dr. L he's got it bad. You know that hot and surprisingly sexual virgin, Ashley?"

"Yeah-huh?"

"She totally broke up with him because of you."

"Morgan. Morgan, don't play games with me. I have _always_ wanted a man to break up with a perfect woman for me, someone handsome and successful – just like that hot guy from Rizzoli and Isles who breaks up with Kate Hudson in that one movie."

Morgan nodded, but held his hands in supplication. "Yes, Dr. L, I can see why you're excited, but – "

"But I mean, it's just Jody. He's old and his eyes aren't even that blue."

"I know he's mean and prickly, but please don't hurt him, okay? He's delicate right now and I can see a sexually-deprived Mindy Lahiri's eyes glow like an overfed house cat about to pounce on a really old mouse."

"Ok, Morgan, that's enough." She held out a fabulously manicured and slender hand with nails in the shade of Louboutin's Batignolles – "My libido doesn't even gear up for anything less than Alexis Bledel Blue, so…"

"Of course, my queen," Morgan defected.

"Now, leave me at once! I need to do some very serious life-or-death online shopping."

Morgan got up to go. "Are you getting me more of that dog biscuit flavored popcorn I like –?"

Mindy threw up her hands again. "No I am not getting you anything and for the last time that was a gag gift."

Morgan stuck his lower lip out. "Joke's on you because I liked it."

"Get out!"

Morgan turned to go. "By the way, the manicure looks amazing. Seriously, holy grail color."

Mindy nodded, admitting to herself that she liked having her ridiculously overpriced manicure acknowledged and appreciated. "Thank you, Morgan. Please leave."

Once he was gone, she steepled her fingers under her chin and smiled to herself, enjoying the newfound sense of self-worth that came from Morgan's gossip. It wasn't just that someone had found her attractive, but it was _Jody._ One of the most successful and confident men she'd ever met, one of the most _masculine_ men she'd ever met. A man who'd been so rude to her when they first met that it still made her scowl when she recalled the memory. The thought of him succumbing to her feminine wiles was intoxicating.

She examined her aqua fingernails once more before noticing a fancy cardstock envelope that looked more expensive than her manicure. "Hmm, what's this?"

It took her a while to decipher the elegant 24 karat gold calligraphy. God, when she sent a wedding invitation it would damn well be written in a more accessible font – something like 'chiller' or 'comic sans.' When she did figure out what words the scrawling and curled letters made she tossed the paper from her hand like it burned. "No!"

* * *

 _Later that day..._

"Mindy, what is the matter? You're usually so cheerful when I buy the 48 count jumbo jellies." Jody surveyed her with concern.

Mindy sucked some of the delicious red goo seeping through her fingers, noticing the way his eyes followed even in her sad phase. "Yes, normally I would be in a sugary haze of bliss, but I just found out my ex is getting married."

"Oh?"

"Yes, and he invited me to his wedding, but apparently Lauren won't let Peter off his leash to be my moral support." She shook her head mournfully. "Sucks because he makes weddings his bitch. Well, I guess the last one was kinda bad."

"Well, when is it?" Jody asked.

"This weekend."

Morgan, who'd been listening at the door, popped his head in. "Mindy, that is too soon. This reeks of Bryant."

Mindy and Jody ignored him and his reference to the guy who'd been so desperate to settle that he gave even Mindy whiplash.

"I can accompany you, Mindy."

"Wow, Jody. You'd really do that?"

"Of course. What are gentleman friends for?"

"Okay, that makes me feel like a prostitute when you call yourself that, but it works. See you Saturday. And please don't wear those alligator shoes."

He looked horrified. "But those are my soirée loafers."

"Just –" Mindy flipped up her free hand and pointed to her donut. "I'm gonna go enjoy this in my office." She turned to go, but decided to head back to grab another from the box – one for the walk.

She tried to close the door with one lavender heel, but a hand kept it from closing. "Dammit, Morgan! I told you, that's creepy! It doesn't matter if you know me!"

"Sorry, sorry," he said, not sounding sorry at all and closing the door behind him. "This is a bad idea, Dr. L. An ex who most likely still loves you and Jody? Trust me, I once had one female dog in heat alone with seven other unneutered dogs and it didn't end well."

"Morgan, stop referring to me as animals. And especially not a dog. I told you my zodiac in secret!"

"Take it from a rat, a dog's the best that you can be."

"Morgan, I can't _not_ go. That would be like –"

"Like letting him know that you're over him and you want nothing but a happy, drama-free life for both of you?" Morgan tried to finish for her.

"No, like defeat. I was going to say defeat."

"It's a bad idea, that's all I'm saying."

Mindy was already finishing the second donut. "You lost the right to advise me when you told me to buy that Yeezy sweater because it would make me look like M.I.A."

"That was a bad call," he acknowledged.

"Yes, and _this_ is going to be fine."

* * *

Saturday

Mindy met Jody at an ice cream shop a few blocks from the ceremony. She was pleasantly surprised to find him already in line and paying. She strode up to him and grabbed the one he had ordered for her. "Oh, my God, Jody!" she exclaimed when she saw what he was wearing.

His face fell when he saw her. "Oh, Mindy. I thought surely we would coordinate."

He was wearing rainbow suspenders and a matching bow tie to accent a navy suit jacket, cream pants, and brown leather shoes.

"You look like you belong to a rag time band."

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

Mindy herself was wearing an all-black halter dress with more lace wrapped around her back and extending to the hem and décolletage than actual fabric.

"That's very revealing," he swallowed. His neck stiffened as if he could stop himself from looking further, but his eyes dipped and his lips parted just a little.

"Thank you," she gave him a cheerful smile. She felt her cheeks give an uncharacteristic blush when he didn't say anything further. To distract him, she asked, "Where did you even get that bow tie?"

"My great uncle was a homosexual and I inherited it when he died of aids." He tugged at it proudly, recovered.

"God, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. He was prone to violent fits of rage when he drank. And he always pinched my cheeks. He was a fine marksman, though."

"Oh, like this?" Mindy grinned as she tweaked his only-slightly-stubbly cheek flesh.

He gave her a death glare, but nonetheless offered her his arm as they their way to the wedding with their cones. Him, with his old man butter pecan/pistachio mashup and Mindy with a time-honored classic – cookie dough.

She huffed. "Oh, come on. You can't give me the silent treatment all night."

Jody looked away from Mindy and stuck out his lower lip at her words.

"Fine, be that way, but can I at least have your ice cream cone if you aren't going to eat it? It's dripping everywhere."

Jody wordlessly handed her the ice cream to replace Mindy's phantom cone. She was still holding it as they were ushered inside by the honest-to-God bouncer at the entrance to the church. "Welcome to the Prenuptial pre-party!" A loud announcer proclaimed to all the newest guests.

The church was transformed into an impromptu club – with a dim and cloistered atmosphere and an obnoxious beat. There were disco lights and people dancing on the pews. Behind the crucifix, a projector flashed pictures of various models of high fashion tennis shoes.

"I don't like this at all," Jody said.

"Cool," said Mindy.

They weren't there for long – Mindy Lahiri makes sure she's fashionably late to everything – before the music quieted and a spotlight spun to someone with a mic.

"Ladies and gentleman, thank you all for coming here tonight, because _tonight_ , we are here for the celebration of the love of my life and our union. Not a doubt in my mind, babe. It's you."

The spotlight shifted to reveal the figure beside him and Mindy gasped. He was marrying _another_ gorgeous Indian woman.

"Now, without further ado, marry us, my man!" A priest began performing the rites immediately, with a stirring rap intro-esque beat accompanying.

"Poor guy," Mindy whispered to Jody. "He can't have me so he's going to live out his life with a pale imitation."

Jody leaned in close. "She's a bit more statuesque, but yes, there is a certain resemblance."

* * *

"Oh dear god," Mindy said a few minutes later. "How much longer is this going to go on? Damn Christians."

"Shotgun weddins' are _much_ quicker." Jody commiserated.

"I need to leave." Mindy gathered the lace ends of her dress as she prepared to stand, but Jody's hand on her arm kept her in place.

"No need to be rude, Mindy." For a second Mindy bristled at his superior tone, but then he added, "We'll slip away after the ceremony to avoid what I'm sure will be an obnoxious reception."

Mindy resigned herself. "Well, I suppose it'll be less conspicuous that way. I don't want him to think I can't handle seeing him with his new bride. Though I usually don't skip parties with free food."

After an incredibly painful 45 minutes, the guests rose from their seats. Mindy and Jody prepared to follow them as they disappeared inexplicably into the night.

Only that didn't happen. Instead, a mob of people on either side of Jody and Mindy trapped them. It was move with the crowd or be killed. Over the excited thrum of chatter, Mindy heard what must have been Casey back the mic. "Okay, group! Let's walk it on over to the after partyyy! In five short blocks you'll be sippin' bourbon and bubbly as I bask in marital bliss at Billy's bar!"

The crowd was spurned into a faster pace at the mention of free alcohol. "Good God, five blocks?! Are they trying to kill me?" Mindy squeaked as the crowd pushed into her.

Jody gripped her. "Mindy, hold my hand. I don't want you to get lost like that one time in Costco."

Their fingers intertwined and all of a sudden Mindy almost felt shy. The hand-holding should have felt condescending – at most, comforting, considering the crowd threatening to shove them apart – but instead his fingers felt sexy. His hands were long, warm and dry. The opposite of her cold, sweaty palms. She griped his hand tightly and huddled into him closely as the bodies collectively made their way onward.

When they got to the bar, Mindy's mouth gaped open once more as she gasped. The walk was only part of why she was breathless. If the church disco wedding had been tacky, the bar had been transformed into the complete opposite.

It was the most romantic reception she'd ever seen. It was dim, but not dark. Hundreds of crystals hung from the ceiling and illuminated to cast rays onto the party – like there were thousands of stars shining down on them.

"This sucks," Mindy said in admiration.

"Really? I quite like it," Jody admitted.

Mindy shook her head as she explained. "No, I mean, there's no way anything I plan can ever top this for when I invite all my exes to my wedding. I mean, I can't plan anything. Have you seen the office fire safety plan? If there's a fire, we're all dead!" Mindy exclaimed as she snatched a glass of wine from a nearby waiter.

"The most beautiful thing about weddings is the love the couples have for each other, not how jealous you can make an ex." He nodded to where Casey and his bride were holding their wine glasses to each other's mouths.

"Jody, that is just not true. I don't know who told you that, but they lied. It's clearly a contest of opulence." Mindy reached for another glass.

The two didn't have much to do besides stand around. Mindy said 'hello' to those of Casey's friends she remembered and pretended she was better than those she didn't.

She was on her third glass of wine – she'd finished another one Jody had sipped and subsequently scoffed at, too, but that didn't count – feeling good and jamming to "Love Story" by Taylor Swift (Casey was such a jerk, he knew she wanted that to be one of her wedding songs) when a slower song turned on and a spotlight landed on the happy couple of the night.

They lovingly sank into each other's arms and everyone awed as they shared their first slow dance.

 _Cupid, draw back your bow_

 _And let your arrow flow_

 _Straight through my lover's heart,_

 _For me._

Mindy's hands moved to cover her ears, bringing the wine glass against her head. "What is this?"

Jody had an answer. "I love Johnny Nash."

"Who listens to this stuff?"

"It's a beautiful song about a man and his unrequited love."

"Uh, Jody…"

"Father used to play it all the time back in his 'separate, but equal' days."

Mindy looked at him. "That's awful. Your family is terrible."

"That was actually quite progressive for father."

Mindy considered it for a moment. Considered that Jody was actually terribly progressive considering his upbringing. That he might actually be the only person she could say all the things in her head to without being judged by an angry Italian who called her brain a rotten noodle fazouli or whatever. "So, I have this theory that that's basically what other countries think of each other." She said, feeling the wine make her lean into him a little more than she meant to. "Because nationalism is like this big thing, like separate, but equal. But then there are wars, and –"

"Oh," Jody tutted. "Let's not spoil a lovely evening with talk of politics. Would you care to dance?"

 _Cupid, please hear my cry_

 _And let your arrow fly_

Mindy paused to consider the music. "See, I'm less of a twirler and more of a twerker."

"Nonsense. Just follow my lead."

Before Mindy knew it, she was taking little steps to match his bigger ones and letting him do all the work. She was pushed into his arms by a dancing couple behind her. He only faintly smelled of coffee nips and butterscotch candies. It was like something out of Friday Night Lights, only without all the boring football stuff. She didn't move away to regain their distance.

Their heads were so close together that they were cheek to cheek. She grabbed a glass of wine and downed it. The waiter, having recognized her from earlier, waited for the empty flute. He offered her another and looked shocked when she declined.

"I don't know how you drink that," he chided. "I could show you how real wine tastes, form my family's vineyard."

"I'd like that," she said quietly. She couldn't see his face.

Just as suddenly as it had come on, a new song replaced it. Mindy, deciding to maintain her distance after all, broke away and muttered that she had to pee. She ignored the comment Jody sent after her claiming that a lady would merely have said she was off to powder her nose.

But those few glasses of wine had gotten to Mindy and she didn't much care about being ladylike at this point. And he had almost sounded…like he liked that she wasn't ladylike.

* * *

She wasn't scared of what he would do – she knew he would keep being the perfectly contradictory, polite, and sexy fuddy duddy he always was. No, she wasn't afraid of what he would do, but she was afraid of what _she_ would do. She had a track record of slutting it up with strong, opinionated men with interesting accents. She wasn't into Jody _at all_ , despite his surprising soft side and even more surprising fit-as-hell physique. But she had downed a lot of drinks and wasn't interested in making a one-night mistake. If she wasn't careful, she might string him along. And the last thing she wanted to do was hurt the poor old fellow.

She rushed into the closest stall, headless of her pride, when she realized the bathroom already had one occupant. Nonetheless, Mindy let out a sigh of relief when she finally released some of the wine she'd been slurping. The embarrassingly robust stream went on…and on…and on.

"Is-is it…normal to have that much pee?"

Mindy shrieked at the male voice speaking to her from the stall over. She looked at their feet. "Oh my god, I know those pumped up kicks."

"That's right, babe. It's me."

Mindy scrambled to finish and got out of her stall. He stumbled out of his, as well. She tried to wash her hands as quickly as possible.

"Please tell me there is a bridesmaid in that stall, Casey!" She yelled, not wanting to imagine what he would be doing alone in the women's restroom.

"Nope. Just a guy. Waiting on a girl." He was a mess, his tie undone and the shirt buttoned wrong, with what looked like Pizza sauce stained on the collar.

"That is really creepy. How did you know it was me?"

"I'd know those mochaccino feet anywhere."

"OK, well that doesn't really make –" she'd been headed for the door, but Casey stumbled and blocked it.

"C'mon, Mindy!" He reached out to her. "It's me! The original O.G., Casey! I know our magic's not done, yet, babe. We're like Voldemort at the end of Sorcerer's Stone or Goblet of Fire or –"

"Okay!" Mindy wrenched away and held up a finger. "First of all, 'original O.G. is redundant and second, if we're being technical, Tom was my O.G. Or, well, maybe Jeremy. Or, actually – you know what, I don't really remember it that well. And third," she said the last greatest emphasis. "You _know_ I don't like to watch movies set on other continents because it confuses me."

She moved to the door again, but Casey's drunken, gangly form jerked to block it further. "Mindy. God, I've missed you. God?" He called out, speaking to the ceiling. "I've missed this woman!" He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around her waist.

Mindy tried to force her way out of the door and he held on, like a giant, unruly toddler. "You have a wife! We're done."

"Mindy!" He started tugging her down. "She's an amazing dancer. So beautiful it makes me cry when she performs; she's so perfect. But I don't want perfection, I want _you_. I want someone to break my pinkie toe when she tries to dance and – I miss midnight jerky runs and crumbs in the bed and that thing you do with your tongue that no one that no one else would _ever_ –"

"Dear lord, please stop! Don't – don't continue with that." She lurched through the doorway with him still attached and looked around to see if anyone heard. She tried to get back to the club, but she wasn't making progress. "Dammit Casey, I have enough dead weight to haul around."

"I love you!" He shouted. "I love you!" A few people went to the hall that lead to the bathroom to investigate the noise. A few Indian relatives started giving Mindy the evil eye.

"Oh no, oh no," she started slapping Casey's head where it was buried against her dress. "Casey, I can't ruin another wedding! They have a pool in the office and oh god – seven times will make me an official jinx. Let go!"

She threw her body at him, hoping to knock him off. It worked, after a fashion. He fell, but he took her with him. She landed with her lower stomach smothering his face. She tried to get off him, but he held her fast by the backs of her thighs.

"Yes! Yes!" He gave muffled shouts as he drunkenly thrashed his face against her. "Yes!"

Mindy struggled to get free before any more people showed up in the rapidly crowding hallway to see her Cobra posing on Casey's face.

She threw her weight to one side and finally got free. She struggled to stand and put some distance between them, but Casey was already up – surprisingly agile for a drunk, long-limbed freak – and ready to recapture her.

Casey held her close, his mouth coming in wet and plaintive, but Mindy twisted her head away from his lips and he only got her neck.

"Unhand her!"

Before Mindy understood what was happening, Jody stood before her instead of Casey, shaking his hand like it stung and panting with anger and Casey was on his back on the floor once more.

"Jody?" Mindy whispered in disbelief, her eyes wide.

"What is the meaning of this?" The angry eyes that met hers weren't all that angry. He was hurt. He didn't understand. He'd thought she wanted Casey to kiss her!

"I-I tried to stop him – " Mindy stumbled over her explanation and then Casey was back at her neck, not seeming to understand that he'd been given the right hook or the brush off. "Stop, Casey!"

Jody tackled Casey and punched him a few more times before a couple of burly Indian men dragged both Jody and Mindy through the hall back into the club and out the door. One of them got an elbow into Mindy's stomach before they were released into the street.

"I feel like we just escaped the Atlanta fire in _Gone With the Wind_! Yeehaw!" Jody exclaimed.

"Oh God, that movie is so old that I have no idea what you're talking about, but that was actually really hot." She sounded surprised.

"Yes, I imagine the fire of Atlanta was very hot."

Mindy clutched her stomach and gaped at Jody. He had pulled out a handkerchief and was wiping his knuckles clean of blood. His bottom lip was busted and he looked like he'd have a hell of a shiner tomorrow. Mindy guessed Casey had managed to get some hits in while they were being manhandled out.

She was still gaping when Jody finally noticed her watching him. He misinterpreted. "I do apologize, Mindy. It's ungentlemanly to roughhouse indoors and especially in front of a woman, but it was even less so to molest you."

"I think my ovaries just exploded."

He was startled. "Dear lord, is that the after effect of some new party drug?" His accent was pronounced.

Her hands went to his jaw and slid behind his ears. She went on tiptoes to quickly kiss him.

He pulled away. "Whoa, Nelly!"

"I am not a horse!" Mindy said firmly, composed, despite the frantic butterflies in her stomach. "C'mere." She moved in for another kiss, but he stopped her.

"Mindy. I am taking a bit of a break from women at the moment, you know, because Ashley said –"

"You know you want me, so shut up and kiss me, you old dinosaur." Mindy jumped at him and their lips made contact and he held her and actually kissed her back and copped a feel and it was wonderful and breathtaking and literally breathtaking. She took in a bunch of shallow breaths when he stopped.

"Mindy." His voice wasn't composed. "At this point, I believe it may be fair enough to say that I care about you and yes, well, want you…"

Mindy nodded, a toothy smile on her face. The physical evidence was there. Still pressed against him, she could _feel_ how much he wanted her. And she felt the same. She moved in again, thinking he was done with all the talking, but he stopped her.

"Well, my point being, that I, well, I know today has been an emotional day for you and after an emotional breakup, as well, but I- I don't intend to be your rebound guy."

"I'm a couple guys past rebound," Mindy started flippantly before seeing his exasperated eye roll and stopped herself. "Jody, it wasn't there at first. Not when you were just some southern jerk on a subway. But the second I realized there _was_ more to you, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. And I'd really like it if you took me to your place to show me some of that wine."

"The wine is at the vineyard, Mindy," he explained slowly. "I might have a bottle, but–"

"Yeah, I know, you idiot. My sitter's only scheduled til 1 and I'm just trying to get you to take me home with you."

"Oh." Jody's face brightened. "In that case." He took her hand in the crook of his and started leading her into the night. "Just so you know," he said conversationally, "I have realized how erroneous I was on the subway. You should be able to feed your child when he's hungry, no matter where or when that happens."

"Yeah, right, you perv. You just wanna see my breasts."

"That, too."


End file.
